Leave is the one stretch of the first year when a dad or partner can be fully home. Used well, it protects the birthing parent's recovery, gets the baby's other parent confident in the hands-on work, and sets up how you'll share the load for years. This guide is about planning it and using it; the money and the law are in the guide to insurance, money and leave.

• Insurance, money and leave: the help that exists

Know what you have

• In the U.S., the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) lets eligible employees take up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave to bond with a new child, any time in the 12 months after the birth. Dads and partners have the same right as mothers.
• You're eligible if you've worked for your employer for at least 12 months and 1,250 hours, at a location with at least 50 employees within 75 miles. Your group health insurance continues while you're on FMLA leave.
• If you are married and both work for the same employer, the employer can limit the two of you to 12 weeks of bonding leave combined.
• Some states run paid family leave programs, and many employers offer paid parental leave on top of FMLA. Ask HR exactly what's paid, for how long, and how it fits with FMLA.

When to take it

• The first two weeks matter most for recovery: the birthing parent is healing and feeding around the clock, and everything else needs someone to run it.
• If you can, keep some leave back for later: the week the birthing parent goes back to work, a stretch of hard nights, or the gap before childcare starts.
• Taking bonding leave in pieces (a few days a week, say) needs your employer's agreement under FMLA. Ask early.
• If a birth, a C-section or a NICU stay changes the plan, tell your employer as soon as you can. Plans change; that's normal.

Talk to your employer before the baby comes

• Give notice early. FMLA asks for 30 days' notice when leave is foreseeable, and earlier is better for everyone.
• Agree on a handover: who covers what, and that you won't be checking messages.
• Ask about a gradual return, flexible hours or a few remote days for the first weeks back.
• Put what you agreed in an email.

What to do with the days

• Own the nights you can: diapers, burping, settling and bottles, so the birthing parent gets one protected stretch of sleep.
• Run the house completely: meals, laundry, groceries, appointments and visitors.
• Do the baby care solo, often. Baths, walks, naps on you. Confidence comes from doing it without someone watching.
• Go to the postpartum and pediatric appointments if she wants you there.
• Don't turn leave into a home-improvement project or catch-up time for work. The job is the family.

• How to support your partner after birth: the first six weeks
• Newborn night shifts: a plan for both parents

Going back

Returning to work is a second transition for the whole house. Plan the first week back together: who does the nights, what the handover at the door looks like, and what help can fill the gap. And notice how you're doing too; about one in ten dads experience postpartum depression, often a few months in.

• Postpartum depression in dads and partners