Identity, relationships and the version of you that is emerging
Grieving the old life, friendships that shift, and finding your footing as a parent and a person.
Matrescence is a word the anthropologist Dana Raphael coined for becoming a mother. Some compare the shift to adolescence: a new body, a new role and a new sense of who you are. You can love your baby and miss your old life in the same breath. Both are true.
Things many parents feel and rarely say
- Boredom and loneliness in the middle of constant company.
- Jealousy of a partner who gets to leave the house.
- Ambivalence about the baby, and guilt about the ambivalence.
- Not recognizing your body, your calendar, or your priorities.
Finding your footing
- Keep one thread to the old you: a friend, a hobby, a walk, a podcast. The guide "Bring you with you" has small, realistic ways to do it.
- Find people in the same stage. Postpartum+ community and local events exist for this.
- Say the hard thing out loud to someone safe. Shame shrinks when it is spoken.
- If the sadness or numbness is heavy or lasting, that is worth professional support, not just time.
Drawn from public guidance including Postpartum Support International, NIMH Perinatal Depression. Educational only; not medical advice.
Find care near you
Search real directories for perinatal therapists, psychiatry, lactation, pelvic floor and more.
Talk to people who get it
The community is organized by topic and always allows anonymous posting.
Keep reading
Bring you with you: becoming a mom without losing yourself
Motherhood changes you. It doesn't have to erase you. Small, realistic ways to keep your own thread through the first year, and how the people around you can help.
Read the guideGrieving your past self: for moms, dads and partners
Becoming a parent is a beginning and an ending at once. Missing who you were is common for moms, dads and partners, and it can sit right beside loving your baby.
Read the guideIntroducing your pets to your baby
Dogs and cats notice everything about a new baby. How to prepare them before the birth, the first meeting, and keeping everyone safe and calm in the months after.
Read the guideLived this, or work with families who have? Write a guide with us.


