Emotional crisis? Call or text 988, any time.Crisis? Call or text 988. In danger right now? Call 911. Call 988Text 988Emergency 911 Pregnant or a new parent? The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline, 24/7: call or text 1-833-TLC-MAMA
Postpartum+
For family & friends

When you're worried about a new parent

What family and friends can notice, how to bring it up without shaming, and what to do if it cannot wait.

5 min read·Written by the Postpartum+ team, checked against public guidance·Updated

Family and friends are often the first to notice that something is off, and the last to feel entitled to say so. You do not need to diagnose anything. You need to notice, say it gently, and help make the next step easier.

Worth noticing

  • Sadness, tearfulness or flatness that lasts beyond the first two weeks, or keeps getting worse.
  • Constant worry, panic, or not sleeping even when someone else is on baby duty.
  • Pulling away from the baby, the partner or everyone.
  • Saying things like "I'm a terrible mother" or "they'd be better off without me."
  • Not eating, not showering, not leaving the house for days.
Confusion, seeing or hearing things that are not there, paranoia, or behavior that seems out of touch with reality can be postpartum psychosis. It is rare and treatable, and it is a medical emergency. Call 911 or go to an emergency department.

How to bring it up

Pick a quiet moment, one to one. Lead with care and what you have seen, not with a label: "I love you and I've noticed you're not sleeping and you seem really far away. Can we talk to someone together? I'll make the call." Then listen. If they push back, do not argue. Say you will check in again, and do.

Make the next step small

  • Offer to find a perinatal therapist through Find Care, or to call the OB, midwife or pediatrician, who all screen for this.
  • Offer childcare and a lift for the appointment.
  • Offer to sit with them while they call the PSI HelpLine (1-800-944-4773) or the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline (1-833-852-6262).
  • Tell the dad or partner what you have noticed, kindly, so they are not carrying it alone.

What not to do

  • Do not take the baby away "so she can rest" against her wishes. Separation can make things worse.
  • Do not tell her she just needs to be grateful, get out more, or try harder.
  • Do not promise to keep it secret if you believe she or the baby is unsafe.

If it cannot wait

Any talk of not wanting to be here, a plan to hurt herself or the baby, or signs of psychosis means calling 988 or 911 now, not making an appointment for next week. Stay with her until help arrives.

Drawn from public guidance including Postpartum Support International, NIMH Perinatal Depression. Educational only; not medical advice.

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